Ugh, I let Kris’s friend and her crew spend a night in the house. I wanted to go with them but my mom freaked out, cried, says I need to take care of myself right now, blah blah blah. So I told them where to find the spare key.

I got this last night:

Kris wants me to be excited-- maybe this means whatever is in the house is gone, and it’s safe now. But it made me cry, to watch it.

Everything’s gone-- Matthew is gone, the baby is gone, the house is just empty.

I’m afraid to go back there. I know I shouldn’t be afraid to go back there but somehow I think if I do go back and she’s gone it’s going to be worse than ever.

Fuck, Matthew, where are you?