Just wanted to let you know that I’m okay-- after those last few posts my mom drove out and got me, so I’m back home with her for a few nights. Having crazy nightmares but finally got on some real drugs that are keeping me asleep. They make me kind of foggy, though, so excuse me if this post is a little out of it.

I let all of this go too far. I don’t know where Matthew is. I finally got in touch his brother and it sounds like he’s been having a really hard time with all my baby craziness, like maybe he needed a breather.

I’m feeling way less nuts, like maybe this whole thing was a bad dream. Went back and looked at that first photo of the little girl in the window and maybe it’s just the light, maybe it was just me being so desperate to be a mom.


I’m so embarrassed.

Matthew I’m sorry.